The worst feeling one can have is to hate his/herself, you can’t do anything about it. Everything makes you feel worse, eating, drinking, sleeping, smoking. Things like listening to music, watching a movie, and talking to a friend that usually cheer you up from sadness are useless. Even something very special like “The One” nice calming email can’t do anything! All of these things simply don’t work because problem is something else, you hate yourself, your soul, your body; And this disgusting thing is with you all the time and reminds you every moment that you should not be happy.
I don’t know if everybody has experience such a feeling, but I am feeling like that right now. I am trying to be reasonable and think why should I feel like that, but I can’t help with it. A mixture of anxiety, fear, and regret has made me to hate myself. Anxiety because of making a very dear person sad, fear of something terrible happening, and regret of ruining a special moment.
I wish the whole thing was a nightmare, I would wake up, drink a little water, and think “what a terrible dream was it, thanks God it wasn’t real”. I am pretty sure that awakening day will come, some day …
April 21, 2009 at 1:35 pm |
Dear Friend,
Such a feeling is universal. I am going through something similar.
I have a lot to say.
All I will say however: If you are going through hell, keep going. You’ll be all right sooner than you think. Just keep walking.
Take Care.